If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
