Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
