You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
