Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
