I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do herpes really smell.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
