thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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