1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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