My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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