Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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