i will never coherently bang her
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
