my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
