Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
