i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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