I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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