we're blogging at a bar
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
