hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
