he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
