One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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