So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Randomize
