then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
