My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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