hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
