question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
