Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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