i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
