Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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