So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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