sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
