I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
