I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
