glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
