so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
