is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
