if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
