So drunk its hurt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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