At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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