Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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