The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
