You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
