She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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