he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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