i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
