I want to make a zoo with you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
