You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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