Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
that may or may not have been my penis.
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