if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
