i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She bit a glass in half.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
