Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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