So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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