the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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