you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I still have a little drunk in my system
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
