my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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