You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
