conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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