5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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