Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't put those talents on a resume
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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