New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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