i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
