so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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