thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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