He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
