From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
