You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
