so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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