I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
