I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
