Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
