i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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