I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
