What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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