When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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