I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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