Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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