God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
