I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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