I think im going to throw up on grandma
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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