I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have aggressive nipples.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
