this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
