That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
